It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.

If you have an opinion on what other adults do consensually with other adults when they take their pants off, you're a weirdo.

It's hard for me to get embarrassed, but the things that do embarrass me would be if anybody ever heard my wife and I talking in our robust, made-up language.

It's a good idea to have a break, to let your mind rest and so you can start to cultivate ideas.

We can and should complain about certain horrors of the modern world, but when it comes to the treatment of mental illness, the advances made in the last hundred years have been far more significant than the space program, nuclear fission, or even The Wire, for so many fortunate people.

On stage, I'm me. I'm a husband, I'm a dad, I'm a guy, I'm a mess - but I am a cohesive thing that you recognize as one human entity saying these things that he generally believes.

On Twitter, I just want to make you laugh at all costs.