I no longer believe in freedom of speech.
Elderly people, I have found, when they're being honest, are also scumbags, and enjoy a little prurient humour as well.
In real life, I am alarmingly boring.
On Twitter, I just want to make you laugh at all costs.
Politicians, it's in their job description to just lie, every day.
It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.