I've found out why people laugh. They laugh because it hurts so much . . . because it's the only thing that'll make it stop hurting.

If I don’t start having service I’m going to swap you all for a dog and shoot the dog.

Budget the luxuries first.

Premenstrual Syndrome: Just before their periods women behave the way men do all the time.

If you pray hard enough, water will run uphill. How hard? Why, hard enough to make water run uphill, of course!

I believe that this hairless embryo with the aching, oversize brain case and the opposable thumb, this animal barely up from the apes, will endure --will endure longer than his home planet, will spread out to the other planets, to the stars, and beyond, carrying with him his honesty, his insatiable curiosity, his unlimited courage --and his noble essential decency. This I believe with all my heart.

High Frontier places a bullet-proof vest on our bare chest. High Frontier is as non-aggressive as a bullet-proof vest. There is no way to kill anyone with High Frontier - all that High Frontier can do is to keep others from killing us.