I can remember the day when all that a professor was supposed to do was to mark "C minus" on students' examination papers, then gohome to tea. Nowadays they seem to feel that they must know just how much we (outside the university) eat, what we do with our spare time, and how we like our eggs.

I never knew anyone yet who got up at six who did anything more useful between that time and breakfast than banging a tennis ballup against the side of the house, waiting for the more civilized members of the party to get up.

One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.

A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.