I can remember the day when all that a professor was supposed to do was to mark "C minus" on students' examination papers, then gohome to tea. Nowadays they seem to feel that they must know just how much we (outside the university) eat, what we do with our spare time, and how we like our eggs.

I am both a public and a private school boy myself, having always changed schools just as the class in English in the new school was taking up Silas Marner, with the result that it was the only book in the English language that I knew until I was eighteen--but, boy, did I know Silas Marner!

There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one

If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.

You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.