If you are one of the hewers of wood and drawers of small weekly paychecks, your letters will have to contain some few items of news or they will be accounted dry stuff.... But if you happen to be of a literary turn of mind, or are, in any way, likely to become famous, you may settle down to an afternoon of letter-writing on nothing more sprightly in the way of news than the shifting of the wind from south to south-east.

I once heard a woman laugh at that most tragic moment in all drama, the off-stage shot in "The Wild Duck," and I afterward had her killed, so there will be no more of that out of her.

If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.

A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.

I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.

Who has not wished that his host would come out frankly at the beginning of the visit and state, in no uncertain terms, the rulesand preferences of the household in such matters as the breakfast hour? And who has not sounded out his guest to find out what he likes in the regulation of his diet and modus vivendi (mode of living)?

In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.