There are several natural phenomena which I shall have to have explained to me before I can keep on going as a resident member ofthe human race. One is the metamorphosis which hats and suits undergo exactly one week after their purchase, whereby they are changed from smart, intensely becoming articles of apparel into something children use when they want to "dress up like daddy.

There is probably no moment more appalling than that in which the tongue comes suddenly upon the ragged edge of a space from which the old familiar filling has disappeared.

The wise man thinks once before he speaks twice.

The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.

Charlemagne either died or was born or did something with the Holy Roman Empire in 800.

A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason.

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.