There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.

If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.

If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.

Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it.

I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, "Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope," and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.

Infants need the most sleep, and, what is more, get it. Stunning them with a soft, padded hammer is the best way to insure their getting it at the right times.

Breaking the ice in the pitcher seems to be a feature of the early lives of all great men.