If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.

Most personal correspondence of today consists of letters the first half of which are given over to an indexed statement of why the writer hasn't written before, followed by one paragraph of small talk, with the remainder devoted to reasons why it is imperative that the letter be brought to a close.

If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.

Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.

There is no doubt that every healthy, normal boy...should own a dog at some time in his life, preferably between the ages of forty-five and fifty.