If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one

I once heard a woman laugh at that most tragic moment in all drama, the off-stage shot in "The Wild Duck," and I afterward had her killed, so there will be no more of that out of her.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

I suppose that one of the psychological principles of advertising is to so hammer the name of your product into the mind of the timid buyer that when he is confronted with a brusk demand for an order he can't think of anything else to say, whether he wants it or not.

The discovery of phobias by psychiatrists has done much to clear the atmosphere. Whereas in the old days a person would say: 'Let's get the heck out of here!' today she says: 'Let's get the heck out of here! I've got claustrophobia.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.