A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to button the top button, failing vision, shortness of breath, a tendency of the collar to shut off all breathing, trembling of the kidneys to whatever tune the orchestra is playing, and a general sense of giddiness when the matter of rent is brought up. Forty is Life's Golden Age.

In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.

There is no doubt that every healthy, normal boy...should own a dog at some time in his life, preferably between the ages of forty-five and fifty.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Infants need the most sleep, and, what is more, get it. Stunning them with a soft, padded hammer is the best way to insure their getting it at the right times.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.