The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life whichdoes not include at least two hypochondriacs, one sadist, and one old man who spills food down the front of his vest.

The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

The discovery of phobias by psychiatrists has done much to clear the atmosphere. Whereas in the old days a person would say: 'Let's get the heck out of here!' today she says: 'Let's get the heck out of here! I've got claustrophobia.

I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.

People who begin sentences with "I may be old-fashioned but--" are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.