My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.

An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.

You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.

Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off.

New York - The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theater seats and say "These New Yorkers don't dress any better than we do.

What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way.

We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.