My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one

A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.

If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.

Work is a form of nervousness.

There is probably no moment more appalling than that in which the tongue comes suddenly upon the ragged edge of a space from which the old familiar filling has disappeared.

New York - The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theater seats and say "These New Yorkers don't dress any better than we do.