My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.

The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep breaths to deliverand sent the outfielders scurrying toward the fence to field.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Next to an old-fashioned church social, or possibly a monster bridge party, there is no buzz which can equal the sibilant buzz ofa matinée.

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.