What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.

A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to button the top button, failing vision, shortness of breath, a tendency of the collar to shut off all breathing, trembling of the kidneys to whatever tune the orchestra is playing, and a general sense of giddiness when the matter of rent is brought up. Forty is Life's Golden Age.

Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk.

After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get out a new book by him each year.

A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.