In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.

For most visitors to Manhattan, both foreign and domestic, New York is the Shrine of the Good Time. "I don't see how you stand it," they often say to the native New Yorker who has been sitting up past his bedtime for a week in an attempt to tire his guest out. "It's all right for a week or so, but give me the little old home town when it comes to living." And, under his breath, the New Yorker endorses the transfer and wonders himself how he stands it.

Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off.

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

I don't trust a bank that would lend money to such a poor risk.

The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty.