I am not your dog, but if every time you saw me, you gave me a backrub, I would run to greet you, too.

The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.

There was never a wise saying that couldn't be made wiser by adding the words, "and vice-versa.

Name the season’s first hurricane Zelda and fool Mother Nature into calling it a year.

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.

People ask how I think up my thoughts. Mostly I think them up while reading Paul Simon's lyrics.

The thing about family disasters is that you never have to wait long before the next one puts the previous one into perspective.