People ask how I think up my thoughts. Mostly I think them up while reading Paul Simon's lyrics.

In the time it takes you to understand a 14-year-old, he turns 15.

Your clothes smell heavily of clothing. Your den is filled with low-hanging palls of fresh air. The only rattle in your car is the sound of toll change in the ashtray. The absence of telltale tobacco stains on your shirt collar tells the tale - you've licked the smoking habit.

Ever wonder what crime you committed that you are confined to a small enclosure above your sinuses, under permanent skull arrest?

Leash: n, a means by which animals, formerly running wild, are prevented from running tame, also.

Life is a series of family photos in which you keep moving to the rear until finally you're a portrait in the background.

One of the great logical puzzles is how a woman is always like her mother but never like her sister.