More good has been accomplished by simple people seeking their own honest ends than by all the philanthropists in history.

Optimist: someone who isn't sure whether life is a tragedy or a comedy but is tickled silly just to be in the play.

Often it's just a short swim from the shipwreck of your life to the island paradise of your dreams, assuming you don't drown in the metaphor.

Do not be surprised when those who ignore the rules of grammar also ignore the law. After all, the law is just so much grammar.

Hamlet at 70: "To sleep, perchance to dream. To awaken, perchance to go to the bathroom."

Does it seem sometimes that you are always the one to break an embarrassing silence — and always by saying something more embarrassing than the silence?

To accept reality is only to encourage it.