Retirement is having nothing to do and someone always keeping you from it.

The verdict is still out on my life, the judge having not yet instructed the jury, both of whom are me.

A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge

Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it.

Always keep your home presentable, assuming you keep a home for purposes of presentation.

Metaphor for the night sky: a trillion asterisks and no explanations.

Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie - not perfect but who's complaining?