I don’t work. I merely inflict myself on the public.

The French are a logical people, which is one reason the English dislike them so intensely. The other is that they own France, a country which we have always judged to be much too good for them.

Show me the man who has enjoyed his schooldays and I will show you a bully and a bore.

If the critics were always right we should be in deep trouble.

When I asked my accountant if anything could get me out of the mess I am in now, he thought for a long time, and I didn't care much for his answer. 'Yes,' he said. 'Death would help.'

We are articulate, but we are not particularly conversational. An Englishman won't talk for the sake of talking. He doesn't mind silence. But after the silence, he sometimes says something.

A man who has his initials on his pyjamas must be uncertain of himself. Surely you should know who you are at bed time.