When I asked my accountant if anything could get me out of the mess I am in now, he thought for a long time, and I didn't care much for his answer. 'Yes,' he said. 'Death would help.'

Every child should be placed on a doorstep to sell something. It's the best possible training for life.

A man who has his initials on his pyjamas must be uncertain of himself. Surely you should know who you are at bed time.

The ball is man's most disastrous invention, not excluding the wheel.

If people take the trouble to cook, you should take the trouble to eat.

I don’t work. I merely inflict myself on the public.

I have never willingly chased a ball.