Go pump some neurons. Expand your craniums

Never go to Pluto, it's a Mickey Mouse planet.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so ... look at the platypus.

We're not laughing at you - we're laughing near you

There's a time for daring and there's a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for.

Jamie Kilstein is amazing and I will be spreading the word. He has the spark that energized my conscience. We need more comedians kicking it hard the way he does every night

My childhood was lonely. Both my parents were away a lot, working, and the maid basically raised me. And I think that's where a lot of my comedy comes from. Not only was the maid very funny and witty, but when my mother came home I'd use humour to try and get her attention. If I made mommy laugh, then maybe everything would be all right. I think that's where it [my comedy] all started.