We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Clouds are like boogers hanging on the nostrils of the moon.

Dreams don't deal in time. Time doesn't count.

There's three things in this world that you need: Respect for all kinds of life, a nice bowel movement on a regular basis, and a navy blazer.

I never performed on drugs. That'd be stupid. It's the same thing with athletes. They can't perform when they have cocaine problems.

The only weapon we have is comedy.

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.