There's this thing called freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your home. It should be called 'homebasing'.

"It's just literally being afraid. And you think, oh, [the alcohol] will ease the fear. And it doesn't." What was he afraid of? "Everything. It's just a general all-round arggghhh. It's fearfulness and anxiety." He added, "For that first week you lie to yourself, and tell yourself you can stop, and then your body kicks back and says, no, stop later. And then it took about three years, and finally you do stop."

If heaven exists, to know that there's laughs, that would be a great thing.

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

When you have a great audience, you can just keep going and finding new things.

We're dealing with fundamentalists... the Amish are fundamentalists, but they don't try and hijack a carriage at needlepoint. And, if you're ever in Amish country and you see a man with his hand buried in a horse's ass, that's a mechanic. Remember that.

The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!