I used food to make myself feel better, but I felt worse when I ate.

2020. There'll be cold fusion. We'll actually be able to power our cars with our own feces. That's right. The emissions problem will be a little intense, but just light a match.

I did an event in Washington, and it was like we lifted a sea.Immediately after [9/11], there was a stunned shock - kind of this feeling of "What do we do now?" I started performing, and there was a catharsis in the laughing. People started to be able to laugh again. Laughter can be many things - sometimes a medicine, sometimes a weapon, depending on.

We were totally opposite - me coming from the West Coast and a junior college, and him [ Christopher Reeve] from the hard-core Ivy League. He used to be the studly studly of all studlies, and I was the little fool ferret boy.

On stage you're free. You can say and do things that if you said and did any place else, you'd be arrested.

After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!