Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.

My childhood was really nice. My parents never forced me to do anything; it was always, "If you want to do that, fine." When I told my father I was going to be an actor, he said, "Fine, but study welding just in case."

If I ever asked you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked a woman and been totally vulnerable.

It's cheaper to keep her.

Crying never helped anybody do anything, okay? You have a problem, you face it like a man.

I can be trained, I can actually show you how intelligent I am, I can use a word like delicatessen and know what it means.

Whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten.