I love being backstage, or doing littler things like Blame Canada.

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.

It is hard to find something where you can go off as much as I do in stand-up, but I think stand-up allows me that freedom where you can really go off and have a good time.

If I asked you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell.

If you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? Carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.

There's no shame in failing. The only shame is not giving things your best shot.

The entire world will be in nuclear war, and only the Swiss will be going, 'what's that noise?'