The entire world will be in nuclear war, and only the Swiss will be going, 'what's that noise?'

Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Being alone onstage is like legalized insanity.

Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-old getting a pat down. [Imitates a security officer.] "Check the diapers. They're full."

Look at the walls of Pompeii. That's what got the internet started.

Lance Armstrong pushes the envelope in terms of the human experience. You can have a personal best, you can push your own envelope. For Lance, the person pushing him is him. The only person he's competing with, I think, is himself. To push that limit to the next step. There's a lot to learn from him. Lots.