The entire world will be in nuclear war, and only the Swiss will be going, 'what's that noise?'

Crying never helped anybody do anything, okay? You have a problem, you face it like a man.

There's a world out there. Open a window, and it's there.

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

It is hard to find something where you can go off as much as I do in stand-up, but I think stand-up allows me that freedom where you can really go off and have a good time.

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

Shooting in New York is the shiznit, if I may be so bold. It was great. New York is a character. People who live here know that.