There's no shame in failing. The only shame is not giving things your best shot.

You don't need cocaine! There's another way to get real high, and really mess your mind up, it's called marathon running!

Compassionate conservative. I don't know what that is, it sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

I'm fascinated by the new iPhone. I bought it and kept trying to use it in France. "Siri, what is a good restaurant?" (In a robotic voice.) "I'm sorry, Robin. I can't give locations in France." "Why, Siri?" "I don't know." It's like she was upset with the French or something. "They seem to have an attitude I can't understand. Should I look for Germans, Robin?"

Honey, you [Michael Jackson] gotta pick a race first. All of a sudden you're a black man, then you're Diana Ross, now you're Audrey Hepburn. Then he's got the little beard going on. He's like Lord of the Rings, the entire cast. Michael's about to jump species.

Sucking the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone.

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.