It is hard to find something where you can go off as much as I do in stand-up, but I think stand-up allows me that freedom where you can really go off and have a good time.

I just want to do movies, and I want to sell them. I don't want to link up with some product.

We're not laughing at you - we're laughing near you

But only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be.

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.