It is hard to find something where you can go off as much as I do in stand-up, but I think stand-up allows me that freedom where you can really go off and have a good time.

People would say I never censor. As Billy Crystal says, 'I don't have that button.'

But if there's love, dear... those are the ties that bind, and you'll have a family in your heart, forever.

You appreciate little things, like walks on the beach with a defibrillator.

There's a world out there. Open a window, and it's there.

I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other members of the Continental Congress. Osama will say, Hey, wait! Where are my 71 virgins? And George will reply It's 71 Virginians, you asshole!

I don't practice anything. I spend time looking over ideas and then just get out and do it.