Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?

The only weapon we have is comedy.

My favorite is when you go to Afghanistan and you meet the special forces guys, and they look like these heavily armed surfers. These guys are the best. You see guys dressed as full Afghans, but then wearing a Yankees hat.

I got to ninth grade and there was wrestling, and I went, 'Wait a minute, this is fun.' Basically, it was a chance for a small kid like me to get a chance to wail on another small kid. I went, 'I love this.' The discipline of it was great. Plus, I really started to be good at it.

Change is not popular; we are creatures of habit as human beings. 'I want it to be the way it was.' But if you continue the way it was there will be no 'is.'

Being alone onstage is like legalized insanity.

What is this demilitarized zone? Whatever it is, I like it! Gets you on your toes better than a strong cup of cappuccino.