I like life. It's something to do.

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

I was an ugly baby. On my birth certificate there was a listing for Probable Cause.

As a teenager I just wanted to fit in, just to be one of the boys. It was tough. I went to an all black school. I went so far as to have them print my negative in the yearbook. I think it was the black teeth that gave me away.

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

Sometimes the unexpected does happen. Once, this exquisite woman fell for me. After we made love, she gave me a check for a hundred dollars. I said, "Honey, I don't get paid for sex." She said, "This is hush money."

I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.