I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!

I was an ugly baby. On my birth certificate there was a listing for Probable Cause.

I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

I like life. It's something to do.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.