Don't call people names you dirty name caller you.

To say that I have an undisciplined mind would not be incorrect overall, but it's a little off the mark because I have great discipline when I write - but only for about ten minutes.

Eat as much as you'd like. My philosophy has always been that all women desire to be as fat as myself but just have a great fear of doing so. Because they think they won't get any men, but you will. You'll get more men, and better men.

If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun.

I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do.

There isn't any New Man. The New Man is the old man, only he whines more.

I think I should be here alone to rethink the world, I do. I want these lesser humans gone.