Women of this planet need some essential resources: wells, seeds and roads. That is primarily all we have ever needed. Added to that, women need righteous and strong men who will help us to use our most cherished gifts: the ability to multitask and problem solve.

Nobody wanted the "Roseanne" show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family.

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

You know when you first get rich, and you, like, just buy everything that you see? I did that for several years. And I have sheds full of things, maybe sometimes nine copies of the same thing.

I'm a heterosexual. I don't know why I'm like this. I was just born this way.

I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.

It's the Night of the Living Dead. It's scary out here.