I had one kid with the birth control pill, I had one with the diaphram and I had one with the I.U.D. I don't even know what happened with my I.U.D. It never came out. But I have my suspicions because that kid picks up HBO.

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with.

I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset that I'm not a widow.

I was not raised a Zionist, but a socialist, as were most Jews before the Holocaust.

I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.

Patriarchy is impotent and qualitatively unable to solve even the most simple problems in the cosmos such as picking up their own socks or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking from it.