I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset that I'm not a widow.

I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?'

I've never done anything for money, and that is why I got money. When you do stuff for money, you never get money.

I had one kid with the birth control pill, I had one with the diaphram and I had one with the I.U.D. I don't even know what happened with my I.U.D. It never came out. But I have my suspicions because that kid picks up HBO.

Everything that`s written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, like an avalanche, and I don`t think there`s anything I can do to stop it.

I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form.

Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.