Everything here must be done twice as no one can do it right the first time.

I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.

I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.'

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

Women of this planet need some essential resources: wells, seeds and roads. That is primarily all we have ever needed. Added to that, women need righteous and strong men who will help us to use our most cherished gifts: the ability to multitask and problem solve.

Impeach the President and the Vice President, they are traitors to America, and so are all of their supporters. Impeach! Anyone in congress who refuses to save our union from these traitors by doing nothing needs to be recalled.

I'm a heterosexual. I don't know why I'm like this. I was just born this way.