I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities.

Both the Democratic and Republican parties are bought and paid for by corporate America and cater to the needs of the highest bidder as opposed to the people they claim to represent. I cannot be bought.

I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver.

In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.

Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil.

Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered, 'Hey, why not you Roseanne?' Indeed, why not each of us?

'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking.