To give them what I never had heals me. Some days I look at them and almost start to cry. I think, How can I love them more than I did the day before? But it keeps growing.

My job is mostly to entertain and be funny.

You should be able to tell your child, "This is an actor. And she's older than Mommy!"

I've been on every diet in the world. I've been on Slim-Fast. For breakfast you have a shake. For lunch, you have a shake. For dinner, you kill anyone with food on their plate.

I think that the reason for my success is that I am really not aspirational. I am inspirational in that the people at home feel like they can really relate to me.

Christianity is just as threatening as radical Islam in a country like America...

When I started out, some women comics were jealous of other women comics, thinking, "If she gets "The Tonight Show," I can't." My philosophy always was, "If she did, I can too."