How come every other organ in your body can get sick and you get sympathy, except the brain?

I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced

My whole career has been an act of revenge.

I always ask the booksellers to look at me and recommend a book; 9 out of 10, they get it right; it’s usually a book about someone dysfunctional. To me bookstores are like brothels of imagination, each book is luring me over going, 'Read me, read me'.

I've told so many lies about my age I don't know how old I am myself.

I can't do anything too serious like Saddam Hussein, but I would like to do Bill Clinton. That'd be fun.

By the time dessert arrives I am usually so drunk, I can't remember what I'm serving.