Oaths are but words, and words are but wind.

People care more about being thought to have taste than about being thought either good, clever or amiable.

If God wants us to do a thing, he should make his wishes sufficiently clear. Sensible people will wait till he has done this before paying much attention to him.

A drunkard would not give money to sober people. He said they would only eat it, and buy clothes and send their children to school with it.

If you follow reason far enough it always leads to conclusions that are contrary to reason.

If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue.

A lawyer's dream of heaven: every man reclaimed his property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.