If I've learned anything in my 30s, it's about holding back a little bit.

I really thought I wanted to be a musical-comedy star, but I lived in Phoenix and didn't want to go all the way to New York and be that far away from home. So I thought maybe I'd be a rock 'n' roll singer or an opera singer.

If you come home to a household of chaos and anger and fear, you're not going to feel protected from the world.

I certainly wish Gov. Palin no harm. I'd just like her to explain to me how she can hold such outrageous views...and then go back to Alaska.

I'm very much a humanist. I'm very much pro-choice. I'm very much politically correct.

It's depressing sitting at a comedy club all night, waiting to get on to do your five or ten minutes of material.

Barbara Bush has her finger on the pulse of America. Im so glad shes back and more compassionate than ever, ... Thats right, of course people just sat around New Orleans, boring, uninspired, soulless New Orleans, and dreamed of someday relocating to the Astrodome. Oh, dear Lord, if only I could leave my unhappy existence and head on up to wonderful Houston and live with my friends side by side in a spacious football stadium, my life would be so much richer and complete.