You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage.

I'm doing stuff on Kaballah and Scientology and a little bit more racial stuff, for good measure.

Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

If I don't do stand-up for two weeks, I get freaked out.

I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece.

I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.

I don't compromise. I only do the stuff I want to do.