Sarah Silverman Quotes

I'm very lucky in that I still experience highs and lows. And I think those lows are important. But I am not totally paralyzed, and it keeps me from just complete state of paralysis - and emotionally and really kind of almost physically.

I like my life alone.

It feels weird in our ear holes to hear people worshipping a guy named Ron. We know Rons in our life.

I first did stand-up when I was 17, and then I passed out fliers for a comedy club (in New York City) and I got onstage whenever I could. And musical theater went out the window as soon as I started doing stand-up.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.

I am Jewish and proud of this culturally and ethnically - the ways in which I was born this way and am happy with whom I am.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I dress normal because I want people to treat me regular. And their brains explode. It's really fun.

All comics want to be musicians. There's a part of me that wants to be a serious musician. I love songs about heartache and heartbreak.

If we can send a person to the moon, we can send someone with AIDS to the moon, and then someday we can send everybody with AIDS to the moon.

And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.

I know how to write. So I am not totally at the mercy of filmmakers, but it's not a bad point.

Earlier in my career, I was really tight, really together, and knew who I was and I was confident. I kind of feel in between now.

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

I do know that I can take a punch. I've been punched in the face three times. That's, I think, a really important thing to know about yourself. It helps you in life. It helps you be brave when you know you can take a punch. I'm a lover, not a fighter. But, God bless me, I can take a punch.

I love going to weddings. And I love it when my friends get married. I'm not against marriage but it's just not for me. I'm a vegetarian, but I don't have a problem if you want a hamburger.

I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny.

I am 39 years old, and I still wake up every morning really excited I don't have to go to school.

I don't think comedy comes from hotbeds of doing shtick. I think it usually comes from some kind of childhood humiliation or darkness.

People can't help what topics cut them deep. It all depends on who's inferring - and what the contexts of their lives are at the time.

Sometimes I am screwing around, and sometimes I get way too serious, but I am a pretty sincere person.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I think I've been called edgy - but in all honesty, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot. Unless you're just listening to buzz words and not taking into account the context of the situation, you see I'm always the ignoramus.

Nothing is taboo if you have an angle on it.

I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being funny just instinctively came about as a way to put people at ease around me.

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.

I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.

If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the planet, you will get cah-azy pussy. All the pussy. I don't mean literally. That might not be your cup of tea. I don't know what your version of 'all the pussy' is. But you'll get all the pussy.

That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.

I think Jews tend to hold me in fairly high regard.

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.

I remember my first standup act when I was seventeen; I did a really lame song about being flat chested. I was doing it in New York, and I remember Kevin Brennan, the guy I lost my virginity to, was like "That song doesn't make sense, you have tits."

I can't cater to everyone's needs and what they're going to be offended by; that's one freedom I have.

We deserve quality lives with equality.

I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games.

Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert.

The truth is, I've denied it for years, but I love deconstructing comedy.

If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play.

If I have kids, I'll adopt.

I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.

I was a bedwetter until I was about 15, and it was humiliating.

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.

Dear America, when you tell gay Americans that they can't serve their country openly or marry the person that they love, you're telling that to kids too. So don't be f**king shocked and wonder where all these bullies are coming from that are torturing young kids and driving them to kill themselves because they're different; they learned it from watching you.

People who like what I do come in all shapes and sizes. Not sure what the common denominator is per se. Oh, it's meeee! But to be embraced by a progressive community means something to me and this one feels like home.

I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.

Growing up, I always loved Disney movies, but the first movie I remember seeing is 'Sleepers,' so I wasn't really taken to children's movies.

But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.