I started out in clubs, and I've always liked clubs. I like theaters because people are there for the show.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

If you take a shower with your boyfriend, I guarantee by the time you step out of that shower, your breasts will be sparkling clean.

I always look at myself knowing that I will have a certain degree of cognitive distortion.

Why would I become involved with something that doesn't include everyone? If you're getting married today, it's the equivalent of joining a country club that doesn't allow blacks or Jews.

When you’re a bed wetter there’s only one group of people you can feel better than, bed shitters, and unfortunately they’re hard to come by.

In the '80s especially, a lot of comedians felt compelled to stick with what made them famous and those people became caricatures.