One of the great things about being ignorant is that I often think my ideas are original. It's a wonderful feeling. That's why I try to avoid any knowledge that would spoil the sensation. Sometimes it isn't easy. People keep hurling knowledge at me, and I can't always duck.

I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.

I'm surrendering myself to the realities of the Internet.

If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.

Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.

Every year, it takes more brains to navigate this complicated world. More people are falling below what I call the 'incompetence line' through no fault of their own.

We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.