One of the great things about being ignorant is that I often think my ideas are original. It's a wonderful feeling. That's why I try to avoid any knowledge that would spoil the sensation. Sometimes it isn't easy. People keep hurling knowledge at me, and I can't always duck.

I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.

If you haven't already told your kids 'don't fellate the president' then you're probably a bad parent.

A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.

Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.