The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.

God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon.

Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.

I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.

As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.

E-books are impervious to analogy.

The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.