Anyone can win a slam-dunk contest. The real Superman is dead. He was assassinated by Pat Riley. I'm the Big Cactus now and ready to roll again.

Finally, I have someone that's like me. My other two pupils were the opposite sides of the moon. But this guy is on the same side of the moon, is on the same planet that I'm on.

I was like, 'Huh? You want my jersey?'

Excellence is a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.

If I were a painter, you'd be calling me Shaqcasso.

Some things you just can't question. Like you can't question why two plus two is four. So don't question it, don't try to look it up. I don't know who made it, all I know is it was put in my head that two plus two is four. So certain things happen. Why does it rain? Why am I so sexy? I don't know.

If you go 72-11 and don't win (the championship), it doesn't mean anything. Actually it does. It means you've cheated and played an extra regular-season game.