(The Hack-A-Shaq is) just a way of telling me that you can't stop me. Thank you. I appreciate it.

Last time I looked at a [pay]check, I said to myself, 'Who the hell is FICA? And when I meet him, I'm going to punch him in the face. Oh my God, FICA is killing me.'

The two top teams with nice weather and nice people were Dallas and Miami. Of course, the Lakers wouldn't want to trade me in the same conference, so Miami was perfect.

The Big Cactus. I will stick you.

I endorse only products I actually use. Like Wheaties keeps offering me money, but I don't eat Wheaties, so I can't do it. Now, if Rice Krispies or Frosted Flakes offered me a deal, I'd take it right away. Apple Jacks, I'd be on the box in a heartbeat. Apple Shaqs. Yeah.

Someday I might have to put down a basketball and have a regular 9-to-5 like everybody else.

You gotta fight all the karate guys, and once you kill them off, now you gotta get to the ninjas. Once you get through the ninjas, now you gotta get to the showmen. Now me, I'm the showman of big men.