When in doubt, freak 'em out.

I don't want to be anyone's role model. My mole models were assholes. My role models are dead. My role models never made it to 30, so I'm a bad person to ask for advice.

Never feel guilty. Don't hold yourself back by guilt or fear. No other species in the entire world deals with guilt. Guilt is a bizarre emotion that makes you feel bad about decisions that you make.

I acknowledge that I have no idea who the hell I am, and I think that's the first step.

If I had to pick between Heaven and Hell, I'd pick Hell, because I can't keep white clean.

If anyone ever boos you off stage, that is simply applause from ghosts.

You can't open your presents 'til you write your thank-you letters.