I swear if that's a pair of demon horns digging into my belly and stabbing me right now, Ash, I'm going to beat you after it's born." 'Cause face it, horns on the head didn't come from my side of the family or genetic code.

If it is our destiny to be hit by the train, we will be hit by the train. The only thing we can change is how the train turns us into a hamburger.

In time, you won’t need it to do that. You’ll be able to access that part of yourself anytime you need to. But for now, you’ll require a tool to help you channel all that teenage hormonal ADD that’s bouncing around and through you.” – Death

Don’t start on that. When I offered you her gifts, you told me to shove them straight up my back orifice. (Eros)

I have more important things to do anyway. I have a hangnail that needs my attention. (Dev)

When everything else falls down around us, just knowing that there's another person who will miss us when we're gone is enough to see us through our darkest moments.

You know the saying, don’t kill the messenger? Hold that thought really, really close to your hearts. (Hermes)